Just before I turned fifty years old, I began to change in ways that I neither sought nor could have imagined for myself. A series of dramatic events, occurring over a two year time period, combined to drag me out of a long, numbing fog that I hadn’t even known had enveloped me. The power of those successive events, and the poignant inner revelations they triggered, led me step-wise to recognize one significant thing about myself after another, each of which I had never before been aware of.
The most surprising and powerful things I discovered through this process were:
- I had been conducting a lifelong search for a set of beliefs or tenants such as those offered by Science or Religion, what I call a Story of Life, with which I could make sense of myself and the world I was experiencing. This lifelong research had encompassed decades of my life, my engineering training and degree, and hundreds of non-fiction technical books and other personal reading. This quest had been subconsciously driven by an innate belief I was born with that the world could not not make sense. In other words, I came in with an inner knowing that the world must make sense. However, until this awakening experience, I had not been aware of this innate belief and had no idea that there had been anything intentional behind my constant questioning, education and avid reading.
- There does exist a Story that explains quite well who we are and how this world works. Science and Religion both are telling slightly incomplete versions of this Story, but using different terminologies. I discovered this as part of my awakening when the missing information was quite unexpectedly delivered into my hands. My first reading of it instantly catalyzed the falling together of all that I had researched over my lifetime, from Science, Religion and other sources, into a cohesive and whole Story. The world does make sense… if you have the right information and perspective.
- There was a higher part of who I am that had been with me and accessible to me all of my life, but I hadn’t allowed myself to acknowledge it. A feature of this awakening was that a voice began to speak to and through me that I knew wasn’t the ego self that I knew as me. After this happened twice and I got a feel for it, I then recalled that this same higher self had appeared as an inner voice several times earlier in my life to try to help me, but each time I had brushed it aside and kept pushing along through life as I had been taught. This voice and my innate belief that the world must make sense were both manifestations of the inner guidance that I, and we all, come into life with.
- Many of the most significant decisions I had made and behaviors I had exhibited throughout my life had been driven by deep subconscious forces of which I had been completely unaware. These influences included very deep archetypal, psychological forces, as well as beliefs that had been programmed into me by familial, societal and institutional conditioning. I discovered specific, fearful and very limiting beliefs within myself that had caused much of the pain and struggle of my early life. I had not consciously chosen to adopt these beliefs and in fact did not, upon seeing them, agree with them. And I knew there had to be more of such things for me to discover.
I cannot overstate how shocking each of these discoveries was to me. Taken together their impact on me was enormous. What was happening to me could only be termed an awakening of some sort. We usually hear this term applied to spiritual awakenings, but the things that were happening to me weren’t completely along those lines. My awakening wasn’t a sudden, one-off event such as we usually hear described in relation to spiritual awakenings. I didn’t have a near death experience and hadn’t been “saved by Christ”, for example. Nor had I suddenly become a devotee to some religion, or anything else of the kind. My awakening was an unfolding, a series of extremely surprising revelations about different aspects of who I am as a human being. It did include a spiritual component, though, as mentioned above.
I was forever changed by this awakening. It altered the trajectory of my life enormously, both in terms of its direction and how I think and behave. But it was just a beginning. I have continued to awaken and learn more and grow as a person. It’s a constant process. When I look back at who I was before my awakening, I see myself as in a confusing and disorienting fog, unable to see where I was or where I was going, and not understanding much of anything about who I was or why my life had been the way it had. I am very clear on most of that now.
An awakening such as the one I have come through brings one to a place where so much that was invisible before can now be seen plainly. It’s like those paintings that have images hidden within the larger, obvious subject. Until your vision shifts in just the right way, you can’t see the hidden images. But once you do see them, you can’t not see them. In just that way, things that didn’t make sense to me at all for most of my life, I now see with clarity.
In addition, I often see my pre-awakened self in those I observe, because I spent so many years where they are, trudging through life trying to live according to the limiting beliefs our society conditions us into adopting. I know how to identify the self-defeating attitudes and ways of thinking people unwittingly display because I used to believe the very same things and act the same ways. I know how it feels, and how it looks from the outside now, to think you’ve got it all figured out when you really don’t – because I lived that for most of my life! I hear others saying the exact same things I did, and behaving exactly the way I did. It’s all too familiar to me.
My lifelong quest for Truth yielded some very good answers for me, and I now understand why my life unfolded as it did. This has allowed me to make peace with my life and who I am to a level I would not have thought possible without this awakening and the inner personal work I have done since then. I want to share all of this with you so that you can perhaps benefit from my life’s work, without you having to do all that research! I will be offering here viewpoints from a different Story of Life that I believe better explains what we see and experience in this world and describes how you possess the power to control your own life experience.
The writings I post here in this blog will reflect all of the above. I will share the tenants, perspectives and, hopefully, wisdom of the New Story I was led to as a result of my awakening. And I will contrast these tenants and perspectives with those of the institutionalized Stories we are given by Science and Religion. I will also share what I have learned since this awakening through my investigations into the nature of Truth and beliefs and the methods through which we are all conditioned to think and behave certain ways without our being aware of it. The messages I want to communicate will often be delivered through my observations of some of the most perplexing aspects of life we all see and experience in this world, and by offering new perspectives on them that may help us make sense of such things.
To be perfectly clear, I’m not saying I have all the answers and can explain everything about this world. First of all I don’t believe that is even possible. Secondly, whatever new ideas and perspectives I, or anyone else, offers is only information, which the reader is always free to accept or not. But hopefully, you will at least think about them, chew on them for a while, before making that decision.
P.S. If you are interested in reading more about my life up to my awakening, the details of what I am calling a New Story, and how I applied this New Story to understand my life’s struggles and make peace with it all, you will find the complete tale in my upcoming book, The World Must Make Sense! (expected 2018)